A screamer

What is the wildest thing you can do in Minnesota? Tubing baby!! Tubing!

Last weekend I did just that. And I have a sore body to prove it!

It all started when my older sister said she had never tubed. This is a Minnesota born and raised woman who actually owns a cabin on one of the 10,000 lakes in God's country. My family has a reunion at her lake place and this was THEE perfect opportunity for her to check something off her bucket list.

I, on the other hand, was a pro at tubing. I had done it once... at the reunion last year. I was brave, I was encouraging, I was experienced.

Let's tube!!

My niece was at the helm of the speed boat. She assured us both that she would go slowly over the gentle waves of the lake.

My nephew tied on two tubes to the back of the boat. My sister and I could tube side by side. What a beautiful way to spend a warm Saturday afternoon. Floating over the water. Engulfed in the pure enjoyment of it all.

First comes the challenge of getting IN the tube. Fitted with our life preservers, we are ready. I suggested to my sister that perhaps she should leave her sunglasses behind. She looked at me as if she is confused. Remember that this is the same sister that said she would go with me on the Amazing Race but she doesn't do heights, won't ride a horse or make a fool of herself. But off come the Foster Grants and plunk. She is in her tube and giving the thumbs up.

Me, again being the experienced tuber, hop off the dock into the tube. Except, I missed the tube. How does one miss a 5 foot round tube? Apparently it's not that hard to do!! Into the murky seaweed I plunge. Now for those of you that know me, you know that I do not dunk. I dangle off the edge of a dock or pool, but I rarely dunk.

This day I dunked. And it was not a graceful entrance. Butt first into the water, with my legs spread in the air in a straight V position, I go under. I think I'm going to the promised land. My life flashes before me. But then I am bobbing. Like the cork on a fishing line. The life jacket brings me back to oxygen and I see my loving and supporting family pointing and doubling over with laughter. Even my novice tubing sister is overcome with the giggles.

The hardest thing about tubing is when you fall out of the tube and have to get back in it from the water. There is no lady like way to get back in. My strong son in law grabs me by the jacket and plops me in the tube. More laughing. I am in the tube facing the wrong way. I see no problem with this but the boat driver refuses to start the boat until I am facing the correct way.

Fine. Ever try to move in a rubber tube when you are soaking wet and the rubber is not? After a few moments of mauevering and rubber farting I am facing the correct way, the laughter has subsided and we are ready for our grand adventure.

The boat begins to move slowly away from the dock. My sister is all smiles as she says to me, "Wow, this isn't so bad. I like this!"

But I knew what was coming so I just nodded and held on tight to the handles.

And then...... the boat.......revved up... and we were OFF!!

My legs shot up towards the sky. My head went back and my butt was glued to tube. Hang on sister, it's going to be a bumpy ride!!

I opened my eyes long enough to see my sister screaming. I'm sure her scream was deafening but my own scream was even worse.

We rode the north side of the lake and I never stopped screaming long enough to take a breath. But then I realized I wasn't going to drown so I began to keep my eyes open. Glancing over my left shoulder I see my sister with her eyes shut tight and her mouth wide open. And I begin to laugh. Here we are, two mature women tubing. Yup, cross that off our list of things to do before we die.

We continue to "ride the waves" and are even so brave to let go of the handles and raise our hands like we used to do on an amusement ride. Our faces are soaked from splashes, our swimsuits are no longer dry. The only thing that is dry is our feet which are still straight reaching for the sun.

My sister points towards the dock. She is done. But wait. The boat is not heading in, it's slowing down. In the middle of the lake. We are told that we must get off of the tubes and get into the boat.

Say WHAT?? Are you kidding me?? You have GOT to be joking!!

My whole body is stuck to the tube. The pressure of the ride only made my body suck into the tube more. I am one with the tube.

Someone in the boat is pulling the rope and bringing me towards the boat ladder. This little ladder is going to help me get out of the tube and into the boat? Doubtful.

There is no other way but to dunk... again.... out of the tube and reach for the white ladder. With a little prayer and a lot of jiggling, I am out of the tube. And I climb the 2 steps to hoist my shaky leg over the edge of the boat onto a boat chair.

We did it. We tubed the mighty lake.

Just then the driver admits to us "I only had the boat speed at half throttle."

Good enough for me. I am not a full throttle kind of gal. Maybe 30 years ago, but now I am just happy that we tubed and lived to tell about it. It was a thrill of a lifetime to be sure.... and my older sister muttered all the way back to the cabin "Never again, I thought I was going to die...."

Maybe we really aren't ready for the Amazing Race just yet.