Cleaning

Why do I wait so long between cleanings? Why is it that the only thing to motivate me is company coming? If I were smart, I'd clean weekly so it doesn't freak me out that I only have 48 hours to clean before 10 people invade my house for turkey dinner.

This year a crawler is coming too. Which means I have to really scrub 12 inches above the floor line. It's been a long time since I had a baby in my house.

I started in the dining room. I figured I would gradually work into the messier rooms. Our dining room usually stays clean. Having 6 for dinner on Wednesday night which means gotta find the table insert to make the table longer. Hmmm, where did I put that table insert? After looking in 3 closets, I found the insert and wala! The table can now fit 6 comfortably. Crap. The table cloth is now too short. Maybe I can find the tablecloth I bought in the after Christmas sales last year. I don't have time for that now. The old tablecloth goes back on and it is a little short, but who's going to really look? 48 hours and ticking.

I grab all my shoes that I have worn for the past month that have been growing into piles in the dining room and throw them in a laundry basket. I will haul them upstairs later.

I then collect all the sweaters and coats I have worn that have matched the piles of shoes and throw them in another laundry basket. I will haul them upstairs later.

Then I start picking up all the jewelry that I remove every day when I get home from work and leave in the dining room. I was excited when I found a silver hoop earring that I thought I had lost months ago.

I vaccuum, I dust. The floor is spotless as is 12 inches above the floor line. I stand up with my hands on my hips and admire my work.

Then it's on to the living room. I have to take a deep breath cause this is where I live. As my father used to say "where she sits, she shits." I have a small section on my couch the size of my butt cause I sit in the same spot every night. And all my favorite things are within reach of that spot. I have 7 bottles of 1/2 empty water bottles. A couple are on the floor as my cat thinks it is fun to knock them over. A start of a crocheted afghan lies on the floor. Yarn is everywhere as again my cat thinks it is fun to play with the yarn. I lost the crochet hook several days ago. And I have a stack of bills that are either to be paid, paid or need to be filed. And of course all the junk paper companies stick with the invoices. Does anyone read that extra stuff? I just recycle that crap on the floor thinking I will pick it up and throw it away... tomorrow.

But I hustle around the living room and throw stuff in the wastepaper basket. My husband comes up from the basement every so often to find the wastepaper basket filled with non-essentials and he empties it. Nice guy.

Time to wash the windows in my french doors. I am spritzing away and cleaning like Cinderella. My husband comes up for the next wastepaper basket emptying and he about slips on the floor. "What the ..." he asks? Apparently the windex that I am spraying on the windows is overflowing to the floor. I try walking on the wooden floor and YIKES I about fall too. Could it be... that I ... OVER CLEANED???

I shrug it off as the windows now glisten but the furniture does not. Out comes the sucky thing on the vaccuum hose. The cat runs for her life. I am sucking up candy corn from last easter, old christmas tree needles, I found ANOTHER earring I thought I had lost. Man, I am on a roll!!
I even sucked the fireplace grill!! I moved the tv and discovered this is where the cat has hidden all her toys. I grab them all and throw them towards the cat. She is beyond excited. Doesn't know what to do. She spins around the very clean floor playing with her toys. It's like christmas came early for her.

The living room is sparkling.

I have to step over the clothes and the shoes in their respective laundry baskets but I head on to the two guest bedrooms.

One room I have used to store art supplies and frames for my artist daughter. And I have tons of frames. Everywhere. And the mats to go with the frames. Everywhere. And the cardboard backings to go with the matts that go with the frames. Everywhere. I sigh. Then I close the door and go into the other bedroom.

Not so bad!! There are my tennis shoes I have been searching for!! Those shoes go in the shoe laundry basket. I strip the bed and here comes my cat with a toy in her mouth and wants to play. No time kitty! Momma has to clean. 48 hours and counting!!

I shake the rug, remake the bed. Dust and vaccuum. Shoe out the cat and leave the room smiling.

Off to the bathroom. Aaah, the cat is thirsty and drinking out of the toilet. Isn't she special. GET OUT OF THERE!!!! Out comes the pinesol. Only I bought generic pinesol and doesn't have that earthy smell. But I bought it, so I use it. Splash Splash in the sink and hang up some clean towels. Make sure there is clean soap in the shower and I'm outta there.

Nothing left now. Gotta face that OTHER bedroom. I open the door and sure enough. The elves did not show up. The room is still a disaster. But wait!! The Vikings are playing today at noon and I should eat something first and watch my team. This cleaning can wait.

Usually I eat lunch in my living room waiting the tv but not today. Not in that sparkling clean living room. Today the cat and I eat in the kitchen. I watch my team score on the kitchen 10 inch tv. I am careful to eat OVER my plate as my husband just cleaned the kitchen and would NOT be happy to see crumbs on the floor. Why doesn't a cat eat table scraps that fall off the table like a dog?

Ok, gotta do it now. I have eaten and feel energized. Gotta go in that bedroom and attack!! I am like a crazed woman. I am throwing frames left and right. I have the staple gun in one hand to put away, masking tape stuck to my sweat pants and cardboard hanging out of my mouth. My cat hisses at me. Isn't she special. I put the frames and accessories in the closet and quickly shut the closet door. I strip the bed, vaccuum and dust and ready to leave another clean room when I hear a racket. In the closet. Open the door and my cat jumps out.

I am just about to sit down for a well deserved rest when my husband says, "When do you want to go grocery shopping?" I am sweating like a pig, I smell like cheap pinesol, my hair is glued to my head as I haven't combed it yet today and I don't think I even brushed my teeth this morning. I reply "now is good." Yup. I am a vision yet I don't really care. 48 hours and counting.

We get the groceries with everyone else in Dubuque and head home. We enter our house and it is breathtaking. It even smells clean. Everything is picked up and presentable. The cat is even sleeping on the couch. It's a Kodak moment.

We put the groceries away and have a lovely dinner. In the kitchen, eating over our plates.

My husband heads for his basement and I haul the first of the laundry baskets full of shoes upstairs to our bedroom. Ohhh, I might have forgotten to mention. Everything I picked up in all the other rooms I had thrown in our bedroom. I cannot see the carpet in our bedroom. I kick my way to make a path and put down the first of the laundry baskets. I go back downstairs and retrieve the second laundry basket of clothes and haul that upstairs to our bedroom.

I close our bedroom door. Outta sight, outta mind.

Tonight I will bask in the glory of my clean house. Tomorrow I will clean our bedroom. Or not. Will anyone really look in our bedroom anyways? And I did make a path. 48 hours and counting.

90 day review

This month I celebrated my first 90 days at the hospital. I work as the assistant to the COO. And I have to admit that I didn't know exactly what COO meant or what this person actually does when I got this job. COO= Commander of Others? COO= Captain Over Operations? COO= just plain CooCoo? I didn't much care what he did, he had a big office and the position sounded impressive. And I needed a job and it was only a block away from where I live!!

I found out that COO means Chief Operating Officer. Or in other words... Mr. Big. I landed a job working for Mr. Big. I was impressed with myself!! And I lasted 90 days fooling everyone there that I know what I'm doing!!

What have I learned you ask?

I learned that if you don't know the answers, do NOT answer the phone. Let it ring. That's what voice mail is for.

I learned that when the CEO walks by, damn well look busy. Pick up a folder and shuffle papers around your desk. And look very interested in those papers!! Your job depends on it!!

I learned that the CEO, COO, CFO and CNO's do NOT go to other offices. Other people come to THEM.

I learned that the assistants to the CEO, COO, CFO and CNO get free drinks!! There is a refrigerator stocked in the board room with every soda imaginable. And I use it.

I learned that just saying you are the assistant to the COO opens many doors at the hospital. "Hi, I'm Joly and I work for the COO......." No mission is impossible after those 9 words. Magic happens.

I learned that you NEVER tell the COO that you are bored. Enough said.

But it was time for my 90 day review. Not a merit evaluation (those are a thing of the past). But just a "friendly" review of how you are doing.

My past work experience includes working for VPs, Managers, Directors, but never a COO. How exactly will a COO handle a 90 day review for his assistant?? First, I had to tell him it WAS my 90 day anniversary. "OH? Put that on my calendar. Find some time for you and me to discuss it."

So I had to put it on his calendar. This man is B U S Y!! But since I have control of his calendar, I just deleted a meeting and put my name in its place. I figure if the meeting was important, someone would notify someone who would notify the COO who would notify me and I'd have to reschedule it. Details.... I needed an hour of this very important man's time NOW.

Two days later I walked into his office prepared. I was ready. Bring it on Mr. Big. I DARE you to find anything wrong with my performance.

The man walked from behind his massive desk and sat down next to me in the "visitors" chairs. "We need to go through a few things." Gulp. We do??

"First I need to go through this checklist of things you have learned in the first 90 days. Actually, why don't you just read through it and check them off yourself." Ok.......

Do you know where the fire extinguisher is? (No, but I checked it.)
Do you know the hospital vision? (No, but I checked it.)
Do you know the hospital mission? (No, but I figured it had to be something about giving people excellent health care. So I checked it.)
Do you know where the hazardous material policy is? (No, but it's probably was on the computer somewhere. Close enough. Checked!)
Are you pleasant to patients? (I don't see them but I would be nice, unless it was a Monday morning. I'm not a morning person. Check!)
Are you involved with your community? (I go to the casino every weekend! Check!)
Etc.

I checked everything. Mr. Big was reading some paper, probably something important.

I gave the checklist back to him. He then wrote a comment and said, "That's it!"

That's .... It?? Where is the glowing comments about my work habits? The compliments I have been dreaming of for two days? Where is the heart felt statement "You're wonderful!"

Disappointed I grabbed my checklist which he asked me to send to HR for him, and went back to my desk.

Before I put the checklist in an intracompany envelope to send to HR, I read his written comment.

"Joly is a joy to work with. She has helped me immensely in the short amount of time she has been on staff. She is a definite asset to both my position and to the Hospital. "

Ok, the man is not long on words. But coming from the COO, Mr. Big, Ruler of the Hospital, I will relish these 3 sentences and allow my head to be just a little bigger even if it is for a micro- second. And he spelled my name correctly. It's the little things in life that count.

Cut

I have been trying to grow out my hair. To be more specific, I have been trying to grow out the sides of my hair. My hair is very thick and coarse and grows quickly... in the back. The sides are much slower and it seems it takes forever for them to grow. About a year ago, I received a horrendous haircut from a novice designer and that did not help my cause of growing out my sides.

But it had gotten to the point where I had to get my hair cut. My bangs were hanging in my eyes and the back was unruly. The sides looked nice tho. Started to show a little growth.

How do I know if there is growth? I can tell by the "line" in my hair color. The dreaded line between actual and fictional hair color. I am a natural medium brown... right out of the box.

I decided perhaps it was time to find a new stylist. I went to "Cost Cutters" - because I had a coupon! A girl who was perhaps 17 1/2 was "available" for me, the 11:15 walk-in. I know I was the 11:15 because it was announced as I entered. "Heather, a 11:15 is here for a cut."

I told Heather I was growing out my sides so that I could have the popular "sling" style. She did a lot of nodding. She then said, "Your sides are too short for a sling." Did she NOT hear me say that I was "growing" into a sling?

In order to get the sling style, I had to have my back cut shorter. Ok...... But I liked my back.

And then like Scissorhands, she began to attack. Clip clip, chop chop.

Then the razor appeared.

"I'm going thin out your upper layers." Before I could say "Huh?" She put the razor to work. Zip zip.

The stylist was explaining all the while that I could have my whole head of hair cut with a razor because it was so thick. I gulped as I saw all the hair on the floor.

And then she spun me around and asked "What do you think?"

I had to admit I liked it! The back was shorter but the side length did in fact look longer!

I was so excited to go home and get rid of that color "line" I forgot to pay her and ran out the front door. Needless to say, I had to return to the store as I had no keys.....

Back at home, I pour the color on my head and wait. 15, 20, 25 minutes.

Out comes the color and I'm quite pleased! Only ......

One side looks longer than the other. I grab my silver scissors.

What if I just nip a little here?

Oh. That looks worse!! What if I cut a little more on this side to match??

Oh lawd!! Why is it puffing out on one side now? It was suppose to lay flat!

I do a little puffing with my hands through my hair. Nothing.

Hair spray the hell out of my sides. Still looks uneven.

I grab the scissors and cut again. Swell, now I have a side that has a straight cut look right in the middle of the side. And it's not attractive, AT ALL.

Do I try and cut the other side to have a straight cut look?

I think not. I put away my silver scissors and decide I will just lean my head to the left for the next 5 weeks.