Gotta drink!

Why does a woman who is passed her prime, have to see a ob/gyn physician? Because the doctor will find something that will just make you worry about something new.

I have blood in my urine. Not only did I not see red, but I don't even know how that is possible!

My sample showed microscopic blood which prompted my doc to schedule an ultrasound. Ultrasound? Am I pregnant? Maybe that's why I have a round belly!! NO NO NO says the doctor, a renal ultrasound.

Ok. Renal ultrasound. I don't even know what that is!! But I was soon to find out as the test was the next day at 8:15 am. Just enough time to google renal ultrasound and get the skivvy on the exam.

Google said it was a non-evasive imagery of kidneys. I could handle that. I liked the non-evasive.

I was told by the nurse at my doctor's office to make sure I had some liquid in my bladder before I had the test done the next day. "Don't overflow it, just have a little something in it."

She should have defined "a little".

I woke up the next morning after a good night's sleep and went into my bathroom and peed. It's the first thing I do in the morning and old habits are hard to break. As soon as I flushed I thought "CRAP! I need "a little" liquid in my bladder in 30 minutes!!"

So I sipped on a cup of black coffee and got ready for the day. That should be enough liquid, or so I thought.

Got to the exam room and the technician, Lisa, pulled my pants and underwear down and shirt up and there in all its glory was my gutt complete with sunken belly button and all. Lisa squirted some warm goop on my stomach and started rolling the mouse across my stomach. All these images showed up on her machine and she was clicking away with the buttons. I watched the screen and swore I saw 20 black circles on the screen. The tech asked if I ever had kidney stones. I swallowed hard and replied, "No, I don't think so." She chuckled and said, "You would know, they are extremely painful." Oh wonderful. Were kidney stones the black spots I saw on the screen? I envisioned an afternoon of severe pain.

"Roll on your side." She sounded serious.

I rolled on my side. The tech was moving the ultrasound scanner thingy to my back. Are kidneys in your back?

"Your left kidney is hiding on me." What? What? Hiding?

"Oh there it is!"

Thank god. I really wanted two kidneys....

Then the tech says, "I now need to check your bladder. Do you have a full bladder?"

Oh no! Full? What happened to "a little"?

Before I had the chance to ask about "little", the tech says "You have no liquid in your bladder." Well, where did the coffee go? "I will need you to drink something before I can continue."

She took a HUGE styrofoam cup and filled it with water and gave it to me. This had to be a Big Gulp size from Hardee's! I drank it down and she left the room. Only to come back with ANOTHER Big Gulp! You have GOT to be kidding!! My bladder can't hold all this water!

I chugged it down and the tech says "We will just hang out for 15 minutes now....."

How does one get the liquid from your lips to your bladder in 15 minutes? I closed my eyes and pictured the water going through my tubes into the kidneys down to the bladder. Hopeful thinking.

1 minute, 2 minutes, 15 minutes passed and the tech resumed her position.

I don't think she was pleased because she started pushing on my kidney. I think it was my kidney as that is the spot she was just ultrasounding a few minutes ago. Now I know if you push your kidneys, liquid will get into your bladder quicker! It is true, you are never too old to learn.

The tech actually started to yawn. Apparently my body was boring her. I felt offended in some odd way. She pushed a few more times on my kidneys and then something must have happened as she was busy moving the ultrasound thingy around my gutt and clicking on the machine.

She grabbed a towel and wiped my stomach to get rid of the ultrasound goop and declared me "finished."

I asked if she saw anything suspicious. She answered, "Your tests look almost exactly like the one done last year."

I had this test done before? Just last year? Why don't I remember this? And why do I have this urgent sensation that I have to pee?

It's annoying and somewhat exasberating to grow old and lose your short term memory. I had this ultrasound experience last year and I truly do not remember going through it. Obviously I must have had a full bladder back then as I think I would have remembered if I had to suck down two Big Gulps full of water in 30 seconds.

Today I got the phone call from the doctor's office that my ultrasound results came back. I was ready to hear "you have 20 kidney stones." I was prepared. Bring it on. But the nurse said, "Everything looked normal. You are good to go for another year."

My thoughts are if you have two tests done back to back years and the results are negative, you don't need a third strike to know you are out. I think I will accept my two ultrasounds as an indication that my bladder and both my kidneys are just fine.

And I don't plan on ordering a Big Gulp from Hardee's any time soon.