I have been diagnosed with bursitis in my left hip and arthritis in my right knee. This can't be good. Any word that ends with "is" is not a thing I want.
Bursitis
Arthritis
Sinusitis
Tonsilitis
Osteoporosis
Sclerosis
Fibrosis
All this words should end with "tsk". Bursitsk. Because when you tell people you have this ailment they shake their head and think tsk tsk tsk.
I went to the ER one year with a sore throat. The doctor on call said my last name sounded like a disease. He called it Windschitlitis. Take it on the road doc....
Before I was told I had bursitis, I had no clue what that was. This is what I thought of bursitis:
Bursitis is what a southern gets when he walks down Elm Street in Anchorage Alaska in Mid-January. "Doctor, it's so cold. My whole body is frozen solid." "Yes, you have caught the bursitis. Go join Gary Ken and Billy Bob Jr in the town sauna to warm up. Drink two hot toddies and call me in the morning."
And this is what the word arthritis should mean:
Arthritis is found in Shakespeare's unknown play "Lord Art, the Poet." Enter, stage left, Lord Art's manservant. "Lady Olivia. I beseech thee! Lord Arthritis this poem to proclaim his undying love for you. What sayeth you, my Lady, to Lord Art?"
Those definitions make sense.
Sadly, that is not the cause for me.
Bursitis is pain due to repetitive action.
Arthritis is pain due to being old.
To cure my bursitis, I am to sleep on my "other side." After sleeping on my left side for 50+ years, I was thinking this might be a new adventure for me!! How hard can it be to flip sides?
I laid in my bed that night as usual. Then remembered I need to flip. But what do I do with my arms now? Tuck one under the pillow? Flop one over my husband? And I like to have one foot exposed for some odd reason. But it felt wrong to have my other foot feeling air movement.
This is just wrong. wrong. wrong. My alarm clock is now in the wrong place. The neighbor's porch light is now too bright. My husband's face is well... right there!! How can I sleep knowing my world as I know it is backwards!
After 1/2 hour of deliberation, I surmised that this sleeping arrangement was going to take some time to get used to. I got out of bed, took an Aleve and will worry about it another day.
Arthritis is not as easy to justify. I'm not 21 anymore. I don't jump rope anymore or ride a bike for hours as I did as a child. I sit. My husband cannot sit. Sitting is a real art. And I excel at it.
Solution: exercise. Yup, that nasty word again. We have a tread mill. Have had it for eons. Even have a tv in front of it so I have no excuse of boredom while walking. Last time I used it, I was watching the Simpson trial. Wasn't that just last year?
I guess it's time to find the instructions on how to program the tread mill and get these legs moving again. Sounds like effort. Sitters don't do effort.
So for now, I'm hoping the Aleve I took for bursitis last night is strong enough to alleviate the arthrisis too. And I'll start worrying about it another day.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A day in the life....
Upon request, I have started a blog. Called "Joly's World." Here is my first entry. EnJOy!!
I went for my annual physical last week. It wasn't pretty. I need to exercise, eat less and lose weight. Well, doc, tell me something I don't know. What's a few extra pounds on a mature woman?? It's taken me YEARS to get this figure!!
But I paid for this advice so I best heed the doctor's words. I decided to ease into this exercising crap slowly. What to do what to do? YOGA! I can stretch. I can bend, sorta. I can meditate and can easily hum OMMMMM.
A friend recommended a new yoga place downtown. I like that it is downtown. I don't know many people who go "downtown" anymore so I can go to YOGA and make a fool of myself in the company of strangers.
I am quite excited to start my exercise routine. But then.... a few days before the first class, I stubbed my little toe and broke it. I figure this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't rush into exercise. However, I ignore my inner voice and go to yoga, broken toe and all.
There are 8 of us in the class. I know no one. Life is good. Late to class and am forced to flop my mat up in the front of the class. I only pray that the instructor will turn the lights low.
"Hello students! Welcome to Yoga. We are going to learn a few basic positions."
I am pumped. Let's go! Surely this weight will just drop off.
"We're going to start with a posture. Squat down on your toes."
Oh lord. Did she say SQUAT on your TOES? I want to raise my hand and explain that I have a purple little toe that doesn't like to flex.
But I resist the temptation... I can do a stinkin squat.
Only I get into the squat position. My right foot aka toe is on fire. The pain is excruciating. "Hold this position for 10 counts." I last til count 1-1/2. I try and gracefully get out of the squat but alas I roll on my back and my legs go flying up in the air. I could hear snickers. Again I want to explain I have a sore toe. But the yoga sargeant has moved on to another "easy" position.
"Let's now move into a triangle." Say WHAT? I have two legs, two arms, I do not see a triangle shape forthcoming.
"Spread your legs apart and put the weight on your feet." OH NO. I sense a shifting pose coming.
Correct! "Now bend forward and walk your hands to the right foot."
Ok, I got to the bending position but all the blood in my body is now in my face and I feel dizzy. "That's right, walk your hands to your right foot." I am still trying to figure out which way is right. I start to walk my hands to the right and realize that when you do that, the weight goes to that foot. MY TOE!! My purple toe!! PAIN!
"Excellent. Now roll up slowly." Forget the roll. I spring up like a chicken trying to fly.
The night progresses into various poses and I'm ready to think this exercising is wayyy overrated.
Ten minutes left of class and we are now in the "relaxation" pose."Focus on your intentions you had for this evening." My intention was to get off my toe so that I could walk out the door instead of frantically dialing 911 on my cell phone.
"Any questions?" Yup. You got any classes that are easier and that I can lose 20 pounds in a month?
"See you next week." Apparently, they don't.
I went for my annual physical last week. It wasn't pretty. I need to exercise, eat less and lose weight. Well, doc, tell me something I don't know. What's a few extra pounds on a mature woman?? It's taken me YEARS to get this figure!!
But I paid for this advice so I best heed the doctor's words. I decided to ease into this exercising crap slowly. What to do what to do? YOGA! I can stretch. I can bend, sorta. I can meditate and can easily hum OMMMMM.
A friend recommended a new yoga place downtown. I like that it is downtown. I don't know many people who go "downtown" anymore so I can go to YOGA and make a fool of myself in the company of strangers.
I am quite excited to start my exercise routine. But then.... a few days before the first class, I stubbed my little toe and broke it. I figure this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't rush into exercise. However, I ignore my inner voice and go to yoga, broken toe and all.
There are 8 of us in the class. I know no one. Life is good. Late to class and am forced to flop my mat up in the front of the class. I only pray that the instructor will turn the lights low.
"Hello students! Welcome to Yoga. We are going to learn a few basic positions."
I am pumped. Let's go! Surely this weight will just drop off.
"We're going to start with a posture. Squat down on your toes."
Oh lord. Did she say SQUAT on your TOES? I want to raise my hand and explain that I have a purple little toe that doesn't like to flex.
But I resist the temptation... I can do a stinkin squat.
Only I get into the squat position. My right foot aka toe is on fire. The pain is excruciating. "Hold this position for 10 counts." I last til count 1-1/2. I try and gracefully get out of the squat but alas I roll on my back and my legs go flying up in the air. I could hear snickers. Again I want to explain I have a sore toe. But the yoga sargeant has moved on to another "easy" position.
"Let's now move into a triangle." Say WHAT? I have two legs, two arms, I do not see a triangle shape forthcoming.
"Spread your legs apart and put the weight on your feet." OH NO. I sense a shifting pose coming.
Correct! "Now bend forward and walk your hands to the right foot."
Ok, I got to the bending position but all the blood in my body is now in my face and I feel dizzy. "That's right, walk your hands to your right foot." I am still trying to figure out which way is right. I start to walk my hands to the right and realize that when you do that, the weight goes to that foot. MY TOE!! My purple toe!! PAIN!
"Excellent. Now roll up slowly." Forget the roll. I spring up like a chicken trying to fly.
The night progresses into various poses and I'm ready to think this exercising is wayyy overrated.
Ten minutes left of class and we are now in the "relaxation" pose."Focus on your intentions you had for this evening." My intention was to get off my toe so that I could walk out the door instead of frantically dialing 911 on my cell phone.
"Any questions?" Yup. You got any classes that are easier and that I can lose 20 pounds in a month?
"See you next week." Apparently, they don't.
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