Diseases

I have been diagnosed with bursitis in my left hip and arthritis in my right knee. This can't be good. Any word that ends with "is" is not a thing I want.

Bursitis
Arthritis
Sinusitis
Tonsilitis
Osteoporosis
Sclerosis
Fibrosis

All this words should end with "tsk". Bursitsk. Because when you tell people you have this ailment they shake their head and think tsk tsk tsk.

I went to the ER one year with a sore throat. The doctor on call said my last name sounded like a disease. He called it Windschitlitis. Take it on the road doc....

Before I was told I had bursitis, I had no clue what that was. This is what I thought of bursitis:

Bursitis is what a southern gets when he walks down Elm Street in Anchorage Alaska in Mid-January. "Doctor, it's so cold. My whole body is frozen solid." "Yes, you have caught the bursitis. Go join Gary Ken and Billy Bob Jr in the town sauna to warm up. Drink two hot toddies and call me in the morning."

And this is what the word arthritis should mean:

Arthritis is found in Shakespeare's unknown play "Lord Art, the Poet." Enter, stage left, Lord Art's manservant. "Lady Olivia. I beseech thee! Lord Arthritis this poem to proclaim his undying love for you. What sayeth you, my Lady, to Lord Art?"

Those definitions make sense.

Sadly, that is not the cause for me.

Bursitis is pain due to repetitive action.
Arthritis is pain due to being old.

To cure my bursitis, I am to sleep on my "other side." After sleeping on my left side for 50+ years, I was thinking this might be a new adventure for me!! How hard can it be to flip sides?

I laid in my bed that night as usual. Then remembered I need to flip. But what do I do with my arms now? Tuck one under the pillow? Flop one over my husband? And I like to have one foot exposed for some odd reason. But it felt wrong to have my other foot feeling air movement.

This is just wrong. wrong. wrong. My alarm clock is now in the wrong place. The neighbor's porch light is now too bright. My husband's face is well... right there!! How can I sleep knowing my world as I know it is backwards!

After 1/2 hour of deliberation, I surmised that this sleeping arrangement was going to take some time to get used to. I got out of bed, took an Aleve and will worry about it another day.

Arthritis is not as easy to justify. I'm not 21 anymore. I don't jump rope anymore or ride a bike for hours as I did as a child. I sit. My husband cannot sit. Sitting is a real art. And I excel at it.

Solution: exercise. Yup, that nasty word again. We have a tread mill. Have had it for eons. Even have a tv in front of it so I have no excuse of boredom while walking. Last time I used it, I was watching the Simpson trial. Wasn't that just last year?

I guess it's time to find the instructions on how to program the tread mill and get these legs moving again. Sounds like effort. Sitters don't do effort.

So for now, I'm hoping the Aleve I took for bursitis last night is strong enough to alleviate the arthrisis too. And I'll start worrying about it another day.