My husband and I went to Chicago yesterday to meet my daughter's future inlaws who drove up to the Windy City from Kansas City the night before. We were to all meet at my daughter and her fiance's apartment at 2:00. Sounds simple right??
But what should I wear? More importantly, what does my husband have in his closet that will look "fatherish" and yet "fashionable." I searched his closet and decided he had nothing that fit either of those adjectives.
Off I go on my mission. To find an outfit for my husband and find something for myself to boot.
Mine was relatively easy. I knew I wanted to wear red. I think red makes a statement plus the fact I look pretty good in that color. Dress Barn proved the perfect store for me. Tried on a couple of red shirts and found IT! A stylish red trendy shirt that hid my muffin top but didn't look like maternity. It would look perfect with a pair of white capris. I was good to go.
Old Navy proved the perfect store for my husband's clothes. Found a pair of kaiki's that didn't look like "old man" and better yet, everything in the store was 30% off. Could it get any better?
I also stopped at KMart and picked up a couple more pants for him and some belts. I figured he could try them all on and pick what he liked.
Therein lies problem #1. My husband does not like to try on clothes, let alone model them for me. I swear the way he shops is he goes to the store closest to him at the time, grabs a pair of pants and shirts (and even shoes) and never tries them on. And if they fit, GREAT. If they don't fit, that's GREAT too, he'll still wear them.
And my husband is shrinking. Not around, but height wise. He used to be a 32 inseam when we got married, then a few years later I had to start hemming his 32's. So he bought 30 inseams and now I'm hemming those. He is now at the stage of buying 29 short and yes, I still have to hem them. 29 is as short as men's pants get. With my calculations, my husband has lost 4 inches in height. I keep telling him it's time for him to buy bigger heels......
But we are looking swell and ready to drive to Chicago. We arrive at the apartment at 1:29. 1/2 hour early but they are ready for us.
We then are introduced to the parents. Lovely people. Kind, caring, easy to talk with. There was an instant connection and we chatted the afternoon away. My daughter was being the perfect hostess serving wine to we drinkers and rootbeer to those that didn't indulge. Also had chips and dips. Couldn't have been nicer.
Time to go to Morton's Steakhouse for dinner. This is a very fancy restaurant. You know it is a fancy restaurant as soon as you open the menu and see that every piece of food is priced separately. No free salad or soup thrown in with the main entree. Drink menu was huge and my daughter politely suggested a wine for me. Thanks hon, whatever you say.
Ya know when you go to an amusement park, and they take your photo during the ride and sell it to you at the end of the ride? Same thing at this fancy restaurant. Only the photo is free. I thought that was a nice touch. The waiter, Michael, took our photo and said he would bring back several copies so we could all have a photo. Awwww, sweet Michael.
We ordered our drinks and our meals and we were just talking when Michael arrived back with our copies of the photos. He handed the photos to my daughter and I grabbed one to give to Paul's mother who was across the table. I reached across the table and while doing so, hit my glass of red wine which toppled over onto the WHITE tablecloth, onto my RED shirt and AAAAH, onto my WHITE capris!! Everyone at the table gasped. Die one million deaths. Here. Now.
I could feel the wine dripping off my lap onto the carpet. Michael quickly showed up with club soda and another WHITE napkin. Where did he come from??? But the stain was beyond the club soda "dabbing" period. The wine was now being soaked into my pants onto the skin of my upper left thigh.
Being the trooper mom of the bride that I am, I just waved off my embarrassment and we continued eating. I had lobster tail, my husband had prime rib. It was a meal fit for royalty.
Michael returns with complementary after dinner drinks. My pants are not yet dry so I think SURE, why not have another drink to kill some time. By now I am trying to figure out how I can walk out of this place with wine stained white pants and still hold my head up high.
But after the two glasses of wine, and an after dinner drink, I didn't much care who saw my wine drenched pants. And bless the future in laws as they didn't mention my polka dotted pants either as we exited the restaurant.
Now for some reason, I had packed an extra pair of pants. I have NEVER had a successful night wearing white pants. I seem to always spill or drop or dirty white pants every time I wear them. It just happens. I have learned to always bring a pair of extra BLACK stretch pants with me when I wear white. Thankfully, I had the DRY BLACK pants in the car and as soon as we got back to my daughter's apartment, on they went.
So the evening was a success. My daughter's future inlaws are delightful people who seem to love my daughter as much as my husband and I love their son. We said our goodbyes and my husband and I were back on Interstate 90 with our TomTom showing us the way.
I'm also thinking on the way home that of the 3 MOB dress choices hanging in my closet I am now opting NOT to wear the champagne color dress for the wedding. Too "light" thus too "dangerous." It is now a definite that I am going with the dark brown or dark cranberry color as there be wine drinking involved at the reception. I am also thinking that I should learn to like white wine....
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
You've got to be kidding!!
I received my hot pink Discover card with a monogram. One problem. The card reads "Patrick L. Windschitl" and has a P monogram on it. What is wrong with this picture????
So I made a call to Discover to ask "Lily" why she didn't put the card in MY name. Apparently Lily doesn't answer every call and I got "Judy."
Judy was quite pleasant as she verbally read off all the reasons to pay $2.00 for signature insurance. I don't think she took a breath!! Finally, she was finished with her speel and asked if there was anything else she could do for me.
"Why yes there is, Judy. I would like to know why when I requested a new card, you sent me a hot pink card with my husband's name on it."
"oh......." Long pause.
So once again, Judy had to talk to the designated owner of the card, my husband, who once again was not pleased to talk to yet another customer service rep. But this time he knew the procedure and just said YES to every question. The man is catching on.
Judy, being the perky pleasant customer service rep, said "I will EXPRESS mail this card to you."
I thanked her for her attention and hung up.
Meanwhile my husband is sporting a hot pink Discover card. For those of you who do not know Patrick, this is SOOOOOOO not him!! I think he dusted off his fingerprints on the card and shoved it in the back of his desk drawer never to be seen again.
No happy dancing today.
So I made a call to Discover to ask "Lily" why she didn't put the card in MY name. Apparently Lily doesn't answer every call and I got "Judy."
Judy was quite pleasant as she verbally read off all the reasons to pay $2.00 for signature insurance. I don't think she took a breath!! Finally, she was finished with her speel and asked if there was anything else she could do for me.
"Why yes there is, Judy. I would like to know why when I requested a new card, you sent me a hot pink card with my husband's name on it."
"oh......." Long pause.
So once again, Judy had to talk to the designated owner of the card, my husband, who once again was not pleased to talk to yet another customer service rep. But this time he knew the procedure and just said YES to every question. The man is catching on.
Judy, being the perky pleasant customer service rep, said "I will EXPRESS mail this card to you."
I thanked her for her attention and hung up.
Meanwhile my husband is sporting a hot pink Discover card. For those of you who do not know Patrick, this is SOOOOOOO not him!! I think he dusted off his fingerprints on the card and shoved it in the back of his desk drawer never to be seen again.
No happy dancing today.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Hide and Seek
I have "misplaced" my Discover credit card. I should say "lost" but it has to be around the house somewhere. My Discover card is basically the only credit card I use. I love its rewards program. My husband keeps pushing me to open an American Airline Visa card so we can rack up mileage points. He has an AA Visa card and uses it all the time and has chaulked up some major flier miles. But I don't think I would qualify for an AA Visa gold card. I think you have to HAVE an income. My salary makes minimum wage look good. Plus I love my Discover card.
Only my credit card has been misplaced. Deciding to search for the card before calling the 800 number to request yet ANOTHER replacement card; yes, I've misplaced my Discover numerous times, I go outside to look in my car. Maybe it has fallen out of my snazzy Coach purse which I never zip close. With my butt in the air, I am looking high and low under the bucket seats, in the console, in the glove box. No card.
Next, back inside my house, I search under the sofa cushions. Maybe it slipped between the cushions after I used the card to place an online order on my laptop. No card. Did find my favorite pen tho and a bill I should have paid last month.
Searched the dining room table which holds a month's worth of useless snail mail. I really should go through that pile more carefully and discard what I don't need. Mental note to do that... later.
No card.
One last attempt to find it, under the actual sofa. Lift up the sofa and find many cat toys, a couple of old and now crusty junior mints, the envelope that goes with the bill I never paid, and a size J crochet hook. But alas, no Discover card.
Have to make the dreaded "call." You know, the call you know you have to make, but don't want to. I used to have to make the "Dick call." I had a batchelor gay uncle whom my mother always forced me to call when I went to Minneapolis to visit her. "He loves hearing from you girls," she would say. "It means so much to him." Sometimes I swear my mother is Jewish.
Why is it that when you call for customer service, they always say "We are experiencing a larger than normal call volume, please try our website at......." That's so annoying because you know if you hang on, eventually you will get a rep.
My wait was to be 4 minutes, or so the friendly voice on the other line said. Within 10 seconds, I was talking to Lily. Well, I don't know if her name was Lily, it was some gal with a foreign accent and I didn't understand what she said, so I just called her Lily.
"How may I help you Mrs. Wind......shi.....el....."
"I have misplaced my Discover card, Lily."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Did you lose it or was it stolen?"
"I misplaced it. It's around here somewhere, but I can't find it."
"Would you like me to send another card to you with the same account number?"
"Sure, Lily!"
"Oh, I see you are not the designated owner of this card."
"I'm not? Who is?"
"Patrick Win.......sch...ele...et. You are JUST an authorized user."
"Oh, he's here. Just a minute."
My husband is now glaring at me. He hates customer service reps. He has no clue who is on the phone or what I'm doing. I tell him in 3 seconds that a girl is going to come on the phone and he is just to say YES to whatever she asks.
"Hello," grumbles Pat. "um uh huh, yup......" And shoved the phone back to me.
Without missing a beat I tell Lily to send me a card ASAP. I have a wedding to plan!!
Lily then says to me, "Maybe you should get a different colored card so it won't be so easy to lose." I figure by now she has seen the 15 other times I have called for a replacement card.
"That would be GREAT!! How about a RED or a PINK?"
"We do carry a bright pink color. Would you like your monogram on it?"
Well, hot spit! ABSOLUTELY!!
Lily proceeds to tell me to expect in about a week. I hope I can wait that long..... But I now am an estatic Discover card owner again and I do a happy dance around the room. My husband is back focusing on his computer screen and ignores my dancing. He has mastered the art of focused ignoring.
Today, the next day, I came home from job #1 at noon to quickly grab a sandwich before heading off to job #2. Sitting on my living room sofa to catch a few minutes of People's Court, I feel a scratch on my butt. Through the cushion. Seriously.
Then it dawns on me. I have not seen Stella, my larger than life cat since last night when I was searching the house for my credit card.
I jump off the couch, lift up the couch and out SHOOTS the cat!! It was like a HUGE gray bullet blasting between my legs into the kitchen towards her cat bowl! She must have snuck under the couch last night when I was lifting it to search for the card. There is NO way my fat cat can fit under the couch just by slithering under it.
Poor Stella! Stuck in a dark low ceiling place overnight and my baby is hungry!!
So my cat is excited to be FREE after 15 hours and I'm excited to get my CARD in 5-7 business days!!
If I could catch her, Stella and I could do the happy dance together! It was a good day for the both of us.
Only my credit card has been misplaced. Deciding to search for the card before calling the 800 number to request yet ANOTHER replacement card; yes, I've misplaced my Discover numerous times, I go outside to look in my car. Maybe it has fallen out of my snazzy Coach purse which I never zip close. With my butt in the air, I am looking high and low under the bucket seats, in the console, in the glove box. No card.
Next, back inside my house, I search under the sofa cushions. Maybe it slipped between the cushions after I used the card to place an online order on my laptop. No card. Did find my favorite pen tho and a bill I should have paid last month.
Searched the dining room table which holds a month's worth of useless snail mail. I really should go through that pile more carefully and discard what I don't need. Mental note to do that... later.
No card.
One last attempt to find it, under the actual sofa. Lift up the sofa and find many cat toys, a couple of old and now crusty junior mints, the envelope that goes with the bill I never paid, and a size J crochet hook. But alas, no Discover card.
Have to make the dreaded "call." You know, the call you know you have to make, but don't want to. I used to have to make the "Dick call." I had a batchelor gay uncle whom my mother always forced me to call when I went to Minneapolis to visit her. "He loves hearing from you girls," she would say. "It means so much to him." Sometimes I swear my mother is Jewish.
Why is it that when you call for customer service, they always say "We are experiencing a larger than normal call volume, please try our website at......." That's so annoying because you know if you hang on, eventually you will get a rep.
My wait was to be 4 minutes, or so the friendly voice on the other line said. Within 10 seconds, I was talking to Lily. Well, I don't know if her name was Lily, it was some gal with a foreign accent and I didn't understand what she said, so I just called her Lily.
"How may I help you Mrs. Wind......shi.....el....."
"I have misplaced my Discover card, Lily."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Did you lose it or was it stolen?"
"I misplaced it. It's around here somewhere, but I can't find it."
"Would you like me to send another card to you with the same account number?"
"Sure, Lily!"
"Oh, I see you are not the designated owner of this card."
"I'm not? Who is?"
"Patrick Win.......sch...ele...et. You are JUST an authorized user."
"Oh, he's here. Just a minute."
My husband is now glaring at me. He hates customer service reps. He has no clue who is on the phone or what I'm doing. I tell him in 3 seconds that a girl is going to come on the phone and he is just to say YES to whatever she asks.
"Hello," grumbles Pat. "um uh huh, yup......" And shoved the phone back to me.
Without missing a beat I tell Lily to send me a card ASAP. I have a wedding to plan!!
Lily then says to me, "Maybe you should get a different colored card so it won't be so easy to lose." I figure by now she has seen the 15 other times I have called for a replacement card.
"That would be GREAT!! How about a RED or a PINK?"
"We do carry a bright pink color. Would you like your monogram on it?"
Well, hot spit! ABSOLUTELY!!
Lily proceeds to tell me to expect in about a week. I hope I can wait that long..... But I now am an estatic Discover card owner again and I do a happy dance around the room. My husband is back focusing on his computer screen and ignores my dancing. He has mastered the art of focused ignoring.
Today, the next day, I came home from job #1 at noon to quickly grab a sandwich before heading off to job #2. Sitting on my living room sofa to catch a few minutes of People's Court, I feel a scratch on my butt. Through the cushion. Seriously.
Then it dawns on me. I have not seen Stella, my larger than life cat since last night when I was searching the house for my credit card.
I jump off the couch, lift up the couch and out SHOOTS the cat!! It was like a HUGE gray bullet blasting between my legs into the kitchen towards her cat bowl! She must have snuck under the couch last night when I was lifting it to search for the card. There is NO way my fat cat can fit under the couch just by slithering under it.
Poor Stella! Stuck in a dark low ceiling place overnight and my baby is hungry!!
So my cat is excited to be FREE after 15 hours and I'm excited to get my CARD in 5-7 business days!!
If I could catch her, Stella and I could do the happy dance together! It was a good day for the both of us.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Gotta drink!
Why does a woman who is passed her prime, have to see a ob/gyn physician? Because the doctor will find something that will just make you worry about something new.
I have blood in my urine. Not only did I not see red, but I don't even know how that is possible!
My sample showed microscopic blood which prompted my doc to schedule an ultrasound. Ultrasound? Am I pregnant? Maybe that's why I have a round belly!! NO NO NO says the doctor, a renal ultrasound.
Ok. Renal ultrasound. I don't even know what that is!! But I was soon to find out as the test was the next day at 8:15 am. Just enough time to google renal ultrasound and get the skivvy on the exam.
Google said it was a non-evasive imagery of kidneys. I could handle that. I liked the non-evasive.
I was told by the nurse at my doctor's office to make sure I had some liquid in my bladder before I had the test done the next day. "Don't overflow it, just have a little something in it."
She should have defined "a little".
I woke up the next morning after a good night's sleep and went into my bathroom and peed. It's the first thing I do in the morning and old habits are hard to break. As soon as I flushed I thought "CRAP! I need "a little" liquid in my bladder in 30 minutes!!"
So I sipped on a cup of black coffee and got ready for the day. That should be enough liquid, or so I thought.
Got to the exam room and the technician, Lisa, pulled my pants and underwear down and shirt up and there in all its glory was my gutt complete with sunken belly button and all. Lisa squirted some warm goop on my stomach and started rolling the mouse across my stomach. All these images showed up on her machine and she was clicking away with the buttons. I watched the screen and swore I saw 20 black circles on the screen. The tech asked if I ever had kidney stones. I swallowed hard and replied, "No, I don't think so." She chuckled and said, "You would know, they are extremely painful." Oh wonderful. Were kidney stones the black spots I saw on the screen? I envisioned an afternoon of severe pain.
"Roll on your side." She sounded serious.
I rolled on my side. The tech was moving the ultrasound scanner thingy to my back. Are kidneys in your back?
"Your left kidney is hiding on me." What? What? Hiding?
"Oh there it is!"
Thank god. I really wanted two kidneys....
Then the tech says, "I now need to check your bladder. Do you have a full bladder?"
Oh no! Full? What happened to "a little"?
Before I had the chance to ask about "little", the tech says "You have no liquid in your bladder." Well, where did the coffee go? "I will need you to drink something before I can continue."
She took a HUGE styrofoam cup and filled it with water and gave it to me. This had to be a Big Gulp size from Hardee's! I drank it down and she left the room. Only to come back with ANOTHER Big Gulp! You have GOT to be kidding!! My bladder can't hold all this water!
I chugged it down and the tech says "We will just hang out for 15 minutes now....."
How does one get the liquid from your lips to your bladder in 15 minutes? I closed my eyes and pictured the water going through my tubes into the kidneys down to the bladder. Hopeful thinking.
1 minute, 2 minutes, 15 minutes passed and the tech resumed her position.
I don't think she was pleased because she started pushing on my kidney. I think it was my kidney as that is the spot she was just ultrasounding a few minutes ago. Now I know if you push your kidneys, liquid will get into your bladder quicker! It is true, you are never too old to learn.
The tech actually started to yawn. Apparently my body was boring her. I felt offended in some odd way. She pushed a few more times on my kidneys and then something must have happened as she was busy moving the ultrasound thingy around my gutt and clicking on the machine.
She grabbed a towel and wiped my stomach to get rid of the ultrasound goop and declared me "finished."
I asked if she saw anything suspicious. She answered, "Your tests look almost exactly like the one done last year."
I had this test done before? Just last year? Why don't I remember this? And why do I have this urgent sensation that I have to pee?
It's annoying and somewhat exasberating to grow old and lose your short term memory. I had this ultrasound experience last year and I truly do not remember going through it. Obviously I must have had a full bladder back then as I think I would have remembered if I had to suck down two Big Gulps full of water in 30 seconds.
Today I got the phone call from the doctor's office that my ultrasound results came back. I was ready to hear "you have 20 kidney stones." I was prepared. Bring it on. But the nurse said, "Everything looked normal. You are good to go for another year."
My thoughts are if you have two tests done back to back years and the results are negative, you don't need a third strike to know you are out. I think I will accept my two ultrasounds as an indication that my bladder and both my kidneys are just fine.
And I don't plan on ordering a Big Gulp from Hardee's any time soon.
I have blood in my urine. Not only did I not see red, but I don't even know how that is possible!
My sample showed microscopic blood which prompted my doc to schedule an ultrasound. Ultrasound? Am I pregnant? Maybe that's why I have a round belly!! NO NO NO says the doctor, a renal ultrasound.
Ok. Renal ultrasound. I don't even know what that is!! But I was soon to find out as the test was the next day at 8:15 am. Just enough time to google renal ultrasound and get the skivvy on the exam.
Google said it was a non-evasive imagery of kidneys. I could handle that. I liked the non-evasive.
I was told by the nurse at my doctor's office to make sure I had some liquid in my bladder before I had the test done the next day. "Don't overflow it, just have a little something in it."
She should have defined "a little".
I woke up the next morning after a good night's sleep and went into my bathroom and peed. It's the first thing I do in the morning and old habits are hard to break. As soon as I flushed I thought "CRAP! I need "a little" liquid in my bladder in 30 minutes!!"
So I sipped on a cup of black coffee and got ready for the day. That should be enough liquid, or so I thought.
Got to the exam room and the technician, Lisa, pulled my pants and underwear down and shirt up and there in all its glory was my gutt complete with sunken belly button and all. Lisa squirted some warm goop on my stomach and started rolling the mouse across my stomach. All these images showed up on her machine and she was clicking away with the buttons. I watched the screen and swore I saw 20 black circles on the screen. The tech asked if I ever had kidney stones. I swallowed hard and replied, "No, I don't think so." She chuckled and said, "You would know, they are extremely painful." Oh wonderful. Were kidney stones the black spots I saw on the screen? I envisioned an afternoon of severe pain.
"Roll on your side." She sounded serious.
I rolled on my side. The tech was moving the ultrasound scanner thingy to my back. Are kidneys in your back?
"Your left kidney is hiding on me." What? What? Hiding?
"Oh there it is!"
Thank god. I really wanted two kidneys....
Then the tech says, "I now need to check your bladder. Do you have a full bladder?"
Oh no! Full? What happened to "a little"?
Before I had the chance to ask about "little", the tech says "You have no liquid in your bladder." Well, where did the coffee go? "I will need you to drink something before I can continue."
She took a HUGE styrofoam cup and filled it with water and gave it to me. This had to be a Big Gulp size from Hardee's! I drank it down and she left the room. Only to come back with ANOTHER Big Gulp! You have GOT to be kidding!! My bladder can't hold all this water!
I chugged it down and the tech says "We will just hang out for 15 minutes now....."
How does one get the liquid from your lips to your bladder in 15 minutes? I closed my eyes and pictured the water going through my tubes into the kidneys down to the bladder. Hopeful thinking.
1 minute, 2 minutes, 15 minutes passed and the tech resumed her position.
I don't think she was pleased because she started pushing on my kidney. I think it was my kidney as that is the spot she was just ultrasounding a few minutes ago. Now I know if you push your kidneys, liquid will get into your bladder quicker! It is true, you are never too old to learn.
The tech actually started to yawn. Apparently my body was boring her. I felt offended in some odd way. She pushed a few more times on my kidneys and then something must have happened as she was busy moving the ultrasound thingy around my gutt and clicking on the machine.
She grabbed a towel and wiped my stomach to get rid of the ultrasound goop and declared me "finished."
I asked if she saw anything suspicious. She answered, "Your tests look almost exactly like the one done last year."
I had this test done before? Just last year? Why don't I remember this? And why do I have this urgent sensation that I have to pee?
It's annoying and somewhat exasberating to grow old and lose your short term memory. I had this ultrasound experience last year and I truly do not remember going through it. Obviously I must have had a full bladder back then as I think I would have remembered if I had to suck down two Big Gulps full of water in 30 seconds.
Today I got the phone call from the doctor's office that my ultrasound results came back. I was ready to hear "you have 20 kidney stones." I was prepared. Bring it on. But the nurse said, "Everything looked normal. You are good to go for another year."
My thoughts are if you have two tests done back to back years and the results are negative, you don't need a third strike to know you are out. I think I will accept my two ultrasounds as an indication that my bladder and both my kidneys are just fine.
And I don't plan on ordering a Big Gulp from Hardee's any time soon.
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