Spread eagle

Today I fell. Hard. On my face. In front of the world.

I love dressing up for work. And now that the weather is getting nicer, it's skirt time. And heels. I love to hear the clip clip of a high heel on a tile floor. Reminds me of my youth when it was fashionable to dress up just to ride the bus to downtown Minneapolis and have lunch at Dayton's. My mother always wore high heels on the bus.

I was just casually walking to the administrative offices at the hospital. Not in a big hurry. Just minding my own business, clip cliping down the tile floor.

The hospital polishes the tile floor daily. Numerous times. I know because I have seen it. Big BIG polisher machine thingy that takes a man to drive. Like an ice zamboni.

And let me tell you, that polisher works. I have had to catch myself many times due to the slippery floor. In the winter, jeez, it's REALLY bad. With the snow and the slippery floors, it is not the time to wanna be in a hurry to get somewhere.

But it's spring and I was just walking to my desk.

OH!! I see someone just stepping out of a woman's bathroom on the main floor of the hospital. It was a windy day today and I thought I should check out my do before sitting down at my desk for the day.

I reached for the door handle. That's the last I remember until my face hit the floor. Literally. Hit the hard cold tile floor.

Because I was reaching forward for the handle and my weight leaning out, the slippery floor made my feet slip from under myself and I fell forward.

Forget the hair do. Forget the professional attire. Forget the clip clip of the high heels. I was on the floor. Face down and spread eagle. NOT a Kodak moment.

I remember thinking I am going to hit the floor. And sure enough, I hit the floor. Hard. I remember my nose hitting the tile floor. Knocked my glasses off my face.

I lay there stunned. What the hell happened!! All I wanted to do was to check out my hair!!

The lady that came out of the bathroom in front of me, ran back to me. Must have heard my graceful fall.

"Are you ok?"

"ummmm, not sure!" I am still laying on the floor.

She helps me sit up. My glasses are crooked on my face. I know that because I can only see out of one lens. The other lens must be up by my eyebrow.

I rub my nose to see if it's broken. No, can still feel the bridge. Then I felt my right cheek bone and it hurts!

Oh this is just great. I fall in a hospital!! MY hospital. The place I work. The place that JUST announced that they were going to start monitoring falls to see how they can improve that situation. Swell.

The nice lady asks if she can help me up. HELL NO. I'm not an invalid!! Back away. Don't draw a crowd!

I stand up and truthfully, I'm a little dizzy! Must be how I'm looking at the world with 1/2 a set of glasses.

The lady says,"Let's get you checked out."

ARE YOU NUTS!!?? No way am I going to see a doctor and tell him that I fell... in the hospital... on my way to WORK!! And that I work for the COO who is heading up the fall monitoring. NO WAY. I will literally crawl out the front door of the hospital on all fours and hobble back in my car and drive home and then call 911 and say I fell at home. There's absolutely no condition that I want to see a doctor today.

"No, really, I'm fine. Just a little slip."

I turn around and see skid marks. SKID marks from my black high heels. The skid was at least 2 feet long. I could see another skid mark next to it as my other foot must have skid trying to put on the brakes.

If I wasn't hurting so much, I would have laughed.

And this was one day, the only day, where I was wearing my hospital badge which shows my name and what department I work in.

PLEASE let this nice lady not read my hospital badge. PLEASE do not let this nice lady call my office to tell my boss, the COO about my fall. PLEASE let there be a God.

I convinced the nice lady that I was ok and she went on her way. I quickly jumped in an elevator just to get out of the scene of the crime.

I took off my screwed up glasses, which by the way, were smudged from the floor, and tried to readjust them so I didn't look like a dork.

Got off the elevator and went to my desk. "Good morning!" Yeah, sure, great morning. Don't come near me. I hurt.

To make things worse, there was dirt on my new white shirt. I ran into the office bathroom and tried to wash the dirt off. Only it smeared the dirt and now I have a big wet spot on my shirt. Lovely.

Smeared wet white shirt, lopsided glasses, bruised cheek and my windy hair do.
Couldn't be better.

And it was only 7:59 am. What a way to start a morning. Next week I will be wearing cleats!